And you say "I'm more in love with love than with you, I'm sorry", but there are no tears in your eyes.

 

I remember when I broke up with my ex. He begged me to stay, but I didn't feel anything. It was as if I was disconnected, as if the real me was someplace else, having a coffee, laughing with friends. I sat in front of him and tried to explain, I told him I loved him but that it didn't work out. I think we both knew I was lying. I wasn't in love with him. He had been a cure for the boredom that had slowly been taking over my life, a way to hide away the fear of dying alone and miserable that had been coming over me after 18 years without someone to hold me. It didn't last long. I wasn't a very good liar.

 

As you sit in front of me now, I see in your eyes what I felt back then. I can see that you're somewhere else, that you're not sorry at all, that I don't mean more to you than anyone else. I can see the void you had when I first met you healing. I know just how little you will be thinking about me the upcoming days, weeks, months. You will think of this as a kind of dream, an illusion; something that happened while you were off making other plans. And it hurts me more than anything else. That you, who have come to mean so much to me, only let me hold you, stay in your arms, make you coffee, sleep next to you, to make yourself feel better. But I also know that nothing I say will make a difference. Nothing I say can make you feel something else. Someone else has the lighter for your heart, and you now feel the desire to go looking for that person. I get it.

 

It's just, you had the lighter for mine. How am I supposed to put it out?